Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Next Stage of Life

Yesterday, I went back to yoga.

I was the most relaxing hour of calm and self-awareness I've had in a really long time.

Almost 10 years ago, I became a mother.

And, in that moment, I admit I sort of lost myself. I wasn't one of those balanced moms who could do it all gracefully.

I really just gave up everything else.

I have no regrets. I put my heart and soul, my every waking moment, into taking care of my baby. I rarely let him out of my arms that first year.

4 years and 2 more babies later and I still lived and breathed being a mother.

But, I couldn't define myself as anything else.

Living away from home, I felt alone. I rarely saw friends. Hardly ever saw my husband. I only left the house to get groceries and take my babies to the neighborhood park.

Luckily, I was so in love with the new little ones that had taken over my life, I didn't realize I had left myself somewhere in the dust of motherhood.

Fast forward 5 years, and I am learning to rediscover who I am. One of the reasons I took up running with such drive and dedication was because it was mine, mine, mine. I wasn't doing it for anyone else.

Now that my kids are a bit older and a little more independent, I look back at those early days of motherhood with nostalgia.

There is nothing like nursing a baby, her fingers wrapped around your pinky, while those helpless little eyes stare up at yours. I could have done that forever.

Since those days are over, I am enjoying trying new things and testing my capabilities. I feel like I am beginning the next wave of this life.

Don't get me wrong, though. If the day ever comes that I get to drop everything, start over, and sit in a quiet room holding my newborn again, I'll take it.

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Yoga is great...welcome back! I do a combination tai chai, pilates, and yoga class at my gym and love it! I also use to run a lot but since doing a marathon in '94 I've only dabbled in it since then. Love the soundtrack on your blog...I often leave it open so I can listen to the music :)